Anjo's Chicken and Car Wash

A distinct sense of excitement grows at work as word circulates that I’ll be taking my first trip to a local hotspot for lunch. The journey begins by piling in a car with 5 other people on a hot and muggy Friday afternoon. We drive 1 kilometer through the middle of town until we reach our destination: Anjo’s Chicken & Car Wash. People come from all around to have just a taste of their flame-braaied, peri-peri chicken.

The owner, Ian, is in a corner in the back, sitting uncomfortably while recovering from the gunshot wound he received 6 weeks ago from a local competitor. Behind him, you can still see the burn marks on the wall from the recent fire-bombing. Indeed, the competition is fierce and of a different kind in Acornhoek. If you want to own a chicken and car wash then you gotta be tough and your chicken better be good.

We sit down in this dark, dingy place with dirt floors and graffiti-accented cement walls. If it’s not covered in grease then it probably just walked in. There are six tables and most of them are located in cavernous corners where conversations are private and others will not notice you. I am with a group of ten so I feel somewhat safe. However, I am always looking over my shoulder and checking my wallet to see if it’s still there.

We begin to order. As I hear the words, “Full Chicken. Extra hot!” and “Make mine super spicy!” my stomach braces itself for what could be the second installment of Shock and Awe. Fortunately, I am sitting across from a colleague …a sweet lady in her early 50s…who has seen plenty of hot and spicy food in her day and seeks to address my anxiety by assuring me we will share the mild version. I keep quite while she does the ordering. After she finishes ordering one mild full chicken and one can of Tab (I thought they discontinued that soda), the waiter turns to me and asks what I want to drink. I am not sure why but I am little scared to answer, however I am able to get out an insecure rendition of the words, “Sprite? May I have a can of Sprite, please?” Once the waiter finishes with our table he drops our order off at the kitchen and crosses the busy intersection almost getting hit by a truck full of bananas in order to pick up our drinks from the local quickie mart across the street. (There are only two crosswalks in Acornhoek and neither are even close to Anjo’s. If you thought George Costanza was good at Frogger wait until you see these guys at work.).

Soon, a bowl of water and a wet towel are passed around so that we can wash up. Knowing that for most of the people around the table this will be the first time today they have cleaned their hands, I hesitantly place mine just above the water and make the appropriate hand-washing motions hoping no one will notice I didn’t actually touch the bowl of what could only be disease-laden, bacteria-infested water. No deal. Someone is looking right at me. I have to put my hands in the water. I dry them with the communal towel that is now crawling with everyone’s germs. I will later realize this is the most sanitary it gets around here.

Today we’re lucky. The chicken comes on a paper plate. Typically the chicken arrives on their best china which means you will probably find some chicken bits from the previous carnivore since they don’t exactly go through a vigorous washing up process between customers. Everyone starts reaching for the chicken and begins ripping it apart with their bare hands. Across from me there is my colleague (the one who is looking out for me). She smiles and begins tearing the chicken to shreds. She and I are sharing one full, mild chicken today.

I have been careful not to touch the table since I noticed right off that the plastic tablecloth hasn’t been washed or changed since Anjo’s was established some 8 to10 years ago. I ask in my nasal American accent, “Where are the plates? What about the utensils?”. Most people are intent on devouring their chickens. Everyone at the table answers in unison, “Use your fingers! And put your bones on the table! (Naïve American!)”. I look around to find little piles of chicken bones in front of everyone. And I really mean just the bone. These bones have been pulled, picked, sucked, and slurped dry of any notion of chicken or joint or fat or marrow.

I start to squirm in my seat but begin to pull some chicken from the furthest corner of my closest competitor. Then the fries come. The sauce is incredible until you realize it is really just grease. I start in but stop suddenly when I see another co-worker sitting adjacent from me stick a handful of fries in his mouth with his fingers, licking them as he goes for another handful. It was painful to watch…even for me. I keep to the chicken. The chicken is amazing. Absolutely delicious once you look past the fact you are probably going to get hepatitis with a capital C or whatever is ailing the guy sitting next to you. Realizing there are no napkins and my only opportunity at cleaning my hands is to stick them back into the green plastic bowl of water, I sip on the only clean thing in front of me, my one and only friend that day (besides the nice colleague who was looking out for me), Sprite. I look across the table and catch the eye of another patron who smiles at me with teeth full of chicken and a glimmer in her eye. Happiness. People start to notice that the sweet lady sitting across from me has a bone yard of chicken bones in front of her while I have just a drumstick and a wing. The laughter begins and the comments start coming. I sit and take it while sipping on my Sprite hoping I didn’t just catch Hep C. Happiness? I think so!

Driving in South Africa

Imagine driving in Utah...or on Germany's autobahn.

Now quantify this experience.

Multiply that number by 837.

Add animals...the meandering, unpredictable types like goat, cow, pig, dog...




and people walking to work from one town to the next...



or looking for a lift to work...


or people already working...


Then subtract any sort of standardized traffic code.

Divide by zero traffic enforcement.

Finally, exponentiate by driving on the other side of the road + shifting gears with your left hand.

Result: Driving in South Africa.

So, yes, it can be rather "white-knuckle" to drive here. Even our little Fromer's guide decries the road we travel back and forth to work everyday (the R40) as one of the most dangerous roads in the country. In fact, the author specifically advises travelers to avoid this road after dusk...which we do (don't worry moms!).

Most of the main roads are two-lane highways with speed limits up to 120 km/hr. Of course, sometimes people in front of you go 60. They will tell you they do this because it "saves petrol", but it's really because they are carrying a bunch of stuff in the back....household goods, firewood, people...



If you're not sitting behind one of these overloaded vehicles (or even if you are) chances are someone behind you wants to go 140. Now, if it happens that someone wants to pass/"overtake" you (and you'll know when they want to overtake because they get about 7 inches from your back bumper and sit there waiting) the protocol is for you to move to the far left of your lane or the shoulder (if there is one) and let the person pass on the right of the lane which ends up being the middle of the two lane road. Thrilling, isn't it?



It's especially exciting when drivers on both sides of the road try to overtake simultaneously...


Now, if you don't want to drive, you could always take the taxi. But this means waiting at your local taxi rank...



or on the side of the road somewhere...


Either way, once you're in that taxi, it spells TB to us. (OK, we admit we're probably overly concerned about disease these days. But you'll have trouble convincing us that our paranoia is a problem in this case.)


But make no mistake: driving here is not all the animal-swerving and car-dodging thrill ride that we're making it out to be. If you can manage to get away from the animals and people, the surroundings are quite incredible. South Africa offers you a little bit of everything.

From far-reaching flatlands...



grandiose greenery...


and climatic cliffs...


to orderly orange orchards...


and beautiful banana fields (even more bewitching when they are in focus)...


Not to mention the home-scattered hills...







Plus, if your South African driving experience has left you feeling a little shaken you can always stop for some munchies along the way...the locally-grown avocados here are especially tasty (but be sure to ask for the "non-Hep C" ones).


Or pick up a few handmade rugs, pots, or plastic roosters for the homestead.


Why roosters you ask? Nobody really knows. They're just the rage right now. Can't really explain it. (Kind of like "hammer pants" in the late 80s.) But, we're thinking of getting a pair to pose in our front yard and confuse the baboons....maybe then they'll think twice about rummaging through our garbage. Or they'll rip them apart and leave their wooden remains scattered about the yard. Unfortunately, the latter sounds most probable.

Animals Galore!

What is it like to live in rural South Africa, you ask? It's like living in a gigantic zoo...except the animals are less well-groomed (albeit happier) and we have to feed ourselves.

One of the greatest perks of being here is that we get to have daily encounters with animals we would never dream of seeing back home.


The most prominent of all our newfound animal friends are impala (much like antelope or deer). Every morning we wake up to a brilliant sunrise and a herd of impala wandering through our front yard. This male was keeping a close eye on us as we left for work the other morning. You can't really tell from this angle, but impala have black markings on their hind legs and tail which form an "M" shape. Park rangers like to refer to them as the "McDonalds of The Bush" because they are cheap (to hunt and "bag") and they are everywhere. Oh, the big plants to the right of it are aloe. They grow fairly large here and provide lots of nutrients for various bugs and birds. Plus, they look real neat.


Typically, on our way to work, we also spot a few waterbuck (which look to me like a cross between impala and mules). These three were a tad concerned about how much attention we were paying them. Unlike impala, these have a rather different backside...a white ring that looks like a target...not very subtle markings, if you ask me.


Kudu are very similar to impala and waterbuck (different genus, though) except for the hump on their back...built a bit more like moose than deer. And their antlers seem to be larger than the impala, in general, but I can't be certain about that so don't go spreading the word that they are.


Then there's our fine friend the gecko. Small, unassuming, and omnipresent. The gecko is to South Africa like the squirrel is to the North West. (I don't know what in the North West is analogous to the South African squirrel...). They hang out in trees, scurrying across roads and patios, and seem quite at home on windowsills. This one, dubbed "Gene", likes to hang out by my wet flip flops in the mornings. Fine by me. I'm slightly more concerned about his'er friend who scurries across our walls inside the house. I've seen this friend only once, but have encountered a great deal more of its skat here and there (little brown, ovular drops with white tips). Despite this being a tad off putting, I've managed to welcome our little geckos since they are the #1 predators of the huge, flying, light-crazed beetles that insist on dive-bombing our window screens at night. Go, Gene! Get those beetles, my squirmy, slimy, squishy pal!


OK, I know what you're thinking: "Oh, this is nice, but I can see stuff like this in Arizona." So noted. But, these are just what we see around our yard!


Kruger National Park

That said, we too got a hankering for something a little more exotic in the animal department, so this weekend we traipsed off to Kruger National Park. Now, Kruger is something like 528 hectares of pristine wilderness. A biodiversity hotspot. It houses 147 mammal, 336 tree, 507 bird, 49 fish, 34 amphibian, and 114 reptile species. And it's practically our backyard!

We live off Orpen Road, which leads to one of the main park gates only 30 km south. The sun rises at about 5am these days, so we were up and in the park before 7am. The earlier the better otherwise it gets too hot ("engofu" in Shangaan) and the animals seldom like to move around in the heat.

Some weeks ago, a friend had mentioned to us that he had a "Wild Card" pass for Kruger which is basically the equivalent of the U.S. National Parks pass permitting free access to all national parks for the next year. He wasn't sure if we could get this, since we're not South African or permanent residents here. Slightly discouraged, but far from deterred, we gave it a shot. As Neil spoke with the park ranger (in his endearing and self-effacing way), flashed our passports/visas, and made a few jokes about how many ice-cream bars he had eaten in the last week due to the heat, I began to feel the Wild Card was within our grasp. And indeed it was! Within a few short minutes we had managed to gain access to all the wilds of South Africa! What is more, because we are classified as "temporary residents" on our visas, the ranger gave us the national rate instead of the international rate...which is equivalent to the difference in price between in-state and out-of-state college tuition. Sweet!

Happy as clams (ah, clams...seafood...Seattle...) we bounded back to our plum polo and into the park...rules and regulations duly noted.


Inside the park, you can always find animals around waterholes. Especially in the winter when water is scarce. But this isn't the best way to see animals close up because the parking lots are usually quite far from the water..."for obvious reasons," as Noam Chomsky would say. To have more intimate encounters you have to drive very slow (and sometimes very far) keeping your eyes peeled along the way. Fortunately, since there were two of us, one could pay attention to the road while the other served dual purposes as navigator and spotter. Perfect.


All said, we were downright gleeful at how many different animals we got to see...both up close and from afar. Here's just a taste of what we feasted on (with our eyes, of course...we're not into eating wild game...too"game-y" tasting).

Warthog:
These are not perhaps the most impressive of beasts, but I tend to think they are pretty great. Their main interest: digging. "Those little guys have no respect for fences," our ecologist friend exclaimed. Turns out they sleep in the holes in the ground they dig themselves. Nifty. And they seem rather harmless just kind of trotting around looking for grubs, digging holes in gardens, and destroying fence lines. Unless, of course, you happen to disturb them in the wee hours of the morning and they come charging out of their holes squealing and grunting...which happened to me just this morning on a jog through the bush. Luckily, it turns out we both have the flight reflex.


Zebra:
We drove for a while seeing no animals. Then in this clearing we came across a huge herd of zebra. There must have been over 100 of them stretched across the vast, flat landscape. These few had the right idea to hang around in the shade since it was blistering hot.




We were a bit sad when this herd eventually wandered off since we had so enjoyed just watching them be zebra. But then we just happened to look to the other side of the road...more zebra! Yes! This one found something worthwhile enough on the ground that it let us get pretty close. It's rather incredible to see so many zebra at the same time because then you start to see the differences in the colors and patterns of their seemingly identical hides.



Giraffe:
I am constantly amazed by giraffe. The long, skinny legs; the massive, muscular torso; the extended, agile neck; and the petite, delicate head on top of it all. Such an usual looking animal. A body that appears to be quite awkward. But I have yet to see an animal carry itself with more elegance.

This one was out for a mid-morning stroll across the plains and immediately veered the other direction once we showed up on the scene. We followed it as best we could, but lost it behind some trees.


To our delight, another giraffe was less deterred by our presence. This one headed straight across the road in front of our car....followed by a few kudu who couldn't resist the power of suggestion.

Once across the road, it joined its friends to munch on the tasty spring leaves of the this twisty tree (OK, so, we haven't learned the names of all the vegetation yet...too busy gawking at all the animals).


We pulled up closer, for a better look. (Hhhmm, I've just noticed this video is a bit shaky. But it took me so long to upload I'm not about to delete it. Just be warned that this may induce headaches or nausea).

Baboons:
Of all the animals we've encountered so far, baboons are the least skittish. You might say they have quite a large dose of gumption. We know this because we often see baboon around our house...or at least evidence of baboon. They are constantly breaking into our garbage can which is secured with a heavy stick and thick wire. Somehow they manage to pry it open, reach inside, pull out all the garbage, take what they want, and leave the rest strewn about the yard. Kind of a twisted "welcome home from work" party once a week. And if you're shrewd enough to catch them in the act you have to chase them off using a loud, stern voice and lots of hand-arm motion...they don't just run away from you like a good little warthog.

But we nearly forgot this endearing little characteristic of the baboon as we watched a family with lots of new babies mosey across the road in front of us.


Then the alpha-male of the group plopped himself on the other side of the road to watch over the crossing.


At times he became a bit distracted. Alas, it is frustratingly difficult getting a decent manicure in the wild.


But he appeared to more than make up for his evident shirking by his rather militant stance afterward. Either that, or he was trying to hold very still so we wouldn't see him. Or maybe he was trying to catch our attention for the perfect photo opportunity while his family members busted into our car. Hey, was that the sound of the trunk opening...?



The Big Five

The so-called "Big Five" have been dubbed such because they are the five most dangerous animals to hunt. They are: the lion, leopard, white rhino, elephant, and buffalo. (We learned, however, that these are not necessarily the most deadly creatures in South Africa. The mosquito, in fact, is the number one killer of humans...malaria... followed by the hippo. You do not want to get between a hippo and water. Apparently if they get frightened they'll charge straight to the water through whatever stands in their way).

We only saw two of the Big Five this weekend, mainly because we went to the places where elephant and buffalo were spotted early that morning. But with our new Wild Card pass we can go back as often as we like and maybe spot the other three before our year ends. Of course, we're not too put out that we didn't see any lion this time around. Turns out a Kruger trail guide who was leading a wilderness safari in the park was mauled by a lioness early this week. She was protecting her cubs of which the group wanted too close a look. Yikes! But we did spend some time with elephant and buffalo.


Elephant:
Now, usually elephant are pretty shy...


so, it's difficult to get a close up look at their faces. But even from afar they took our breath away...much like the feeling kids experience on Christmas morning.


These two found a nice little waterhole atop a hill safely distanced from the road where they proceeded to cool themselves. We wondered how we could get them to shoot some of that water our way...for some reason it seemed much more effective than our air conditioner.

That little slice of elephant life pretty much clinched it for us...we adore these "lumbering giants". Good thing too, because we had happened into elephant country. Just down the road a bit we came across these elephant who were also attempting to avoid the heat...sans water.

And this herd, down the road even further, was spending the afternoon frolicking in the (appropriately named) Oliphants River. Upon closer inspection, we could see there were a few (very large) bulls, several females, and a good number of baby elephant. One particularly energetic baby would cool off by bending its back legs and submerging its lower body in the river while simultaneously splashing water on its head via its little baby elephant trunk. The rest of the herd pretended to ignore these shenanigans.


We, on the other hand, couldn't keep our eyes off them...



I suppose you could conclude that we were a bit more awake than we were on the sunset game drive our current employers took us on back in July...the very day we arrived in South Africa. That day, all the wild animals in the world were no match for our ability to sleep sitting up. (Notice how peppy the woman sitting on the other side of the truck is. Well, she had been in town for a week and managed to get plenty of sleep in the meantime.)



Buffalo:
To us, buffalo are a bit scary. First of all, they have those curly, intimidating horns. Second, they are rather muscular...and with muscle comes power. Third, we're told they are very unpredictable. Curly horns + power + unpredictably = we're fine being all the way over here. One park ranger related the time he was guiding a safari and out of nowhere a buffalo appears from the bush, charges toward the group, and rams the side of the truck with its huge horns. See, scary. But this one seemed pretty relaxed...chillin' out in the shade with its buddies.


In fact, turns out elephant were more scary than the buffalo this time. This one tromped into the buffalo camp and decided to stir things up a bit...

Once we realized we could exit this little scene with all our limbs and car parts intact, our heart rates returned to normal, and we slowly forged ahead hoping the elephant would prefer the next waterhole to our plum polo.

All in all, a completely extraordinary day. One full of wonder, beauty, excitement, reverence, and awe. Not too shabby. Not too shabby at all.